


Deaf

by sinkcat



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Asexuality Spectrum, Awkward Sexual Situations, Bittersweet Ending, Codependency, Dry Humping, Episode Related, F/M, Friendship/Love, Intimacy, Mild Sexual Content, Missing Scene, Non-Explicit, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-23 21:48:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6131217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinkcat/pseuds/sinkcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charlie and Dee get intimate. It goes horribly wrong for Dee. A 'missing scene' from "The Gang Misses the Boat." This story is surprisingly canon-ish and non-graphic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deaf

**Author's Note:**

> I HAD to write a 'missing scene' fic after watching "The Gang Misses The Boat." The title has a double meaning that will make more sense when you read the story. If you're a fan of Charlie and Dee's relationship (romantic and/or platonic), you might like this fic. :D

To Dee, Charlie has always been a gross and weird little man, but she can't pretend that she's never found him cute. Surprisingly, for his lifestyle, he has a handsome face, a fit body, soft and clean-looking hair, and nice teeth. And Charlie — when he's not around Dennis, Mac, or Frank — is usually like a dorky, sometimes sweet little brother to her.

But when Charlie assures her that she’ll do great at open mic night, that's when everything clicks. That's when all their years together finally add up and make sense. Charlie's _like_ a little brother, but he's _not_. He's _not_ her little brother...and he loves her and cares about her and _believes_ in her.

Even though her rational mind is totally against it, Dee _really_ wants to kiss Charlie now. And she's pretty sure that Charlie's getting on the same wavelength. But she's _certainly_ not going to be the one to initiate everything. Oh no. She's not going to end up embarrassing _her_ self. So, she decides to send Charlie signals so _he_ can make the first move. If Charlie picks up on them, great. If not, no big loss.

Dee shines her light on Charlie. It feels like forever before he sees it and takes the bait. He softly places his left hand on Dee's right arm and leans in...

Dee's shocked when she feels Charlie's lips on her own. They are eerily soft and sweet and Charlie is actually a damn good kisser. He kisses Dee like she's the most important, precious person to him and this feeling of love ignites her body.

Without realizing it, Dee caresses Charlie's neck.

She feels and hears Charlie's "Oh, shit."

He gently breaks away from her and she reluctantly follows.

"Whoops!" Dee laughs, raising her hands half-heartedly.

They giggle goofily as if they accidentally tripped and fell onto each other's mouths. Typical Gang hijinks.

"Just kidding!" Dee laughs again.

"Oh, yeah," Charlie mindlessly agrees.

Dee observes Charlie as he thinks to himself, as he bounces up and down, as he absentmindedly wrings his hands.

She can literally see his mind: _I want it I want it I want it_. Typical one-track-minded Charlie. (Typical one-track-minded _both_ of them.)

Still, she worries that Charlie could really stop this thing. After all, Charlie was the one who broke them up in the first place when things were going so well.

She sends those signals again. Even though Charlie is looking at nothing, she knows that he can see them. Feel them.

Charlie launches himself at Dee in typical manic Charlie fashion, his lips smashing almost _too_ hard into hers, his hands pawing all over her body. It's the remix to ignition.

She finds herself on her couch on top of Charlie. He's palming her lower back and butt; she’s grinding against him. (She hopes to melt them together somehow.) This mixture of safeness and passion is driving her insane.

"God, Dee," Charlie gasps.

Dee absorbs Charlie's pleasure. She's going to destroy him by the end of the night. She's going to tear him apart.

She needs to start off slow, though. You _have_ to build your lover up before tearing them down. _That's_ where the fun is.

So, she plants light kisses on Charlie's right ear.

Charlie shivers. "T-that's my weak spot."

"Good to know," Dee grins.

She licks up and down Charlie's earlobe. He begins to squirm like a worm on a hook.

"D-Dee, if-if you don't stop, I'm gonna...!"

Dee chuckles softly. He _can't_ be serious. They _just_ started and they're not even naked yet. It must be Charlie's "thing" to pretend like he's close to the edge. It’s a good strategy because Charlie's helplessness is turning Dee on even more.

Dee decides to turn up the dial just a teeny bit more by grinding harder.

"D-Dee, please..." Charlie pleads.

This is just perfect. Dee can't even _imagine_ what it's going to be like when they start banging. She starts to nibble on his ear.

Charlie moans softly. "Oh, God..."

Time to pounce. She bites down hard on Charlie's earlobe.

Dee feels Charlie tense up, his fingers painfully stabbing her hips. She hears Charlie's drunkish groan. She feels his body go limp under her.

...Did Charlie have a heart attack? A stroke? With all the shit Charlie ingests, it wouldn't surprise her. She looks down at Charlie's face. His eyes are closed, but he's smiling. Breathing.

Smiling. Breathing. Smiling.

"CHARLIE, DID YOU JUST FUCKING COME?!"

Charlie slowly opens his eyes halfway. "Y-yeah..."

"Are you serious?!"

"S-sorry, ear's ma...ear's ma weak spa..." Charlie sounds like he's about to drift off into space.

"You _cannot_ be serious!"

"I tol' you..." Charlie's eyes start to close again.

“Wake the hell up!”

Dee furiously shakes Charlie; he sways like a rag doll.

"Goddamnit, Charlie!" Dee yells at Charlie's unconscious body.

She climbs off of him and shoves him off her couch. He tumbles onto the floor still asleep.

Dee wants to scream again. She wants to scream and scream and scream until her throat deteriorates. Fucking goddamn Charlie.

She looks down at his prone form. Even though she wants to punch Charlie into oblivion, she can't help but admit that he looks really peaceful. He looks really... _Charlie_. Dee feels laughter building inside of her. _Of course_ Charlie would come, like, three minutes into a make out session. It's Charlie. She'd probably get better banging from fucking _Mac_ , and he's gayer than ten rainbows.

Charlie seems borderline asexual most of the time, so none of this should be a surprise to her. He gets off on Dennis' ridiculous _drawings_ , for Pete's sake! It was stupid to expect _Charlie_ , of all people, to be good in bed.

Dee sighs as reality continues to fall on her. It was a good thing that this ended so badly. (Unless Charlie thinks “Jizz in My Pants” is a fucking self-help audio book.) This means that they don't have to worry about sex or romance (or _whatever_ the hell just happened) ruining their friendship. She'd rather have Charlie as a friend than no Charlie at all. God, she could _not_ imagine being forced to be around only Dennis, Frank, and Mac for the rest of her life. She'd kill herself within three months, tops.

Dee can't keep a smile from sliding onto her face. At least they tried something different. It _did_ feel good before Charlie fucked everything up with his 14-year-old boner. For better or worse, she'll always have memories of this thing they had and that's _something_.

Dee glances down at Charlie again. Damn. Charlie’s making Dee feel dead tired. It _is_ late after all and half-drunk, Def Poetry dry-humping is super exhausting.

As she settles into the couch and closes her eyes, she prays that Charlie is gone when she wakes up. She prays that she and Charlie can pretend like this never happened.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by Dee's line "He did" after Dennis asks Charlie and Dee whether they bombed and failed at def poetry in the episode "The Gang Misses the Boat." I decided to write it so Charlie had fun, but Dee didn't have as much fun. LOL. In the episode, both Dee and Charlie seemed to want to forget about what happened between them and I used that information to write the ending of this story.
> 
> Also, if you don't get the double meaning of the title, it's a play on "def poetry" and the fact that Dee is "deaf" to Charlie's words when they're making out.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this story. If you can, please leave a comment. I love feedback. Thanks.


End file.
